Stupid Book Tricks

Often I encounter interior decoration magazines (or books, or catalogs) in which some lamebrained decorator has done incredibly idiotic things to / with books to dress a room. Often, they treat books as though they are meaningless objects, even as necessary "evils" for filling your space.

I started thinking of these as Stupid Book Tricks.

First, I have to explain what a Stupid Book Trick is not.

It is not just storing books as though they aren't used. There are other good reasons to own a book, besides wanting to read or refer to it. Sometimes they have ties to someone you love, sometimes you loved it 20 years ago but have a newer translation now for actual reading. Access doesn't have to be the priority.

So I have no quarrel with hanging pictures in front of them (though it would drive me insane, having big rectangular things dangling off shelves like that). And piling them on a closet shelf doesn't push my Stupid Book Trick button.

(PHOTO ONE: Old House Interiors magazine, Summer 1994.
PHOTO TWO : Smart Storage, by Lisa Skolnik. Barnes & Noble, 1996.)

To get me to classify it as a SBT, a decor photo has to have a real Stupidity factor. It has to say, "The decorator or owner of this house feels forced to have books but holds them in contempt."

Take these. They're both from the same issue of Cottage Living, in fact, its very first issue, September/October 2004 :



Never ever ever do this. Don't tell me you've blocked any seep-through of the potted plant, or that the glass of water isn't cold and won't condense and drip. In Real Life, these stacks of books would get dripped and spilled on, collect airborne plant dirt and shed leaves, would just absorb humidity. Photos like this make me want to become The Book Nazi: "You're an idiot! No books for YOU!"

Next is something I've run into several times over the past 3-4 years. This comes from a very new magazine as of this posting: Small Room Decorating, Fall 2011 :

Books are such brats. I mean, there are all these shelves you have to fill or people will look around and go, like, "Ew," and I guess you could do all bowls or something, but that's boring so you need different things and shapes and stuff, so you have to have some books, but then the books start demanding attention with all their "I'm about this or that!" and, I mean, I was so-o-o bummed. I knew I needed to, like, get the upper hand and stop their little mind control games, I mean, it's MY house, you know? So I put them in little straitjackets! And tied 'em up like a chain gang too! Take that, you little snots.

But I think this is my favorite, because these are not just browsing books. This idea comes from, I kid you not,
the "Storage" chapter of Pottery Barn Workspaces.
(publisher: Weldon Owen, 2004)

Just to emphasize: this whole book is about workspaces. Places you arrange specifically to keep handy equipment you use and materials you consult. And heck yeah, not everything in a workspace is for utility. You need things to amuse and soothe you for brief mental vacations and recharge. But the items you keep right at hand are usually used. So.


"Thank you for calling FastAnswer Designworks!
How can I help you...?
Sure, I've got that right here in this book about George Platt Lynes ....
.........
.... ..........
...... Um, can I call you back?"